I took a year off from blogging.
From the looks of the other blogs I follow a lot of people did. Blogging world just isn’t what it used to be and that is ok. I needed to refocus and regroup. Wrote less publicly. Adjusting and adapting as time goes is all part of life. This past year has had its struggles and its celebrations.
Read 124 books. A few more than the goal of 100. Set this same goal for this year & hopefully I find myself surpassing it again. I’ve been watching a lot of documentaries lately, many about criminal cases and life behind bars, something about the mystery being solved & seeing the clues, but I noticed a lot of reading happens there. Where they aren’t by definition supposed to be free. I find myself feeling most free when I do have time to read whatever I want. Which in my case is all over the board. Usually I have several books going at a time. Just read whatever it is I am in the mood for at the time. Thankfully I have access to more books than I can ever read in a dozen lifetimes.
Another thing that I noticed about people being portrayed in these shows is how many are writing or have written books. Something I have yet to do. Again I have many in progress, but in this case none finished. So yet another goal to bring in with me to 2017.
Also the last few weeks I have found myself at war. In my head anyway. Conversations with family about history lead me to learning more about the wars fought. WW1, WW2 & Vietnam in particular. Hearing stories about where my grandfathers and father were, connected me and I went deeper. Thanks to all these documentaries & books, I can feel like I too was there (sort of in a much safer way from behind a TV screen or outside the pages of the books). Yes I see the writing on the wall that we have paths ahead of us that either lead us there or ideally to a different, happier destiny. My heart breaks knowing what so many have endured. I still can’t say I understand how it all gets to the point of fighting each other but what I do see is this: FEAR.
Fear of others. Anyone different from ourselves. They are a afraid of us, we’re afraid of them. It escalates and drives each mad and lives get lost. Energy that could be used in positive ways is burned in hatred and “protection”. Gets old. The people in prisons, the people in wars share the same emotion- the fear. That which separates is identical when you cut down to it.
I’m finding it tough to see the light in the darkness.
Just a few days after the new cheeto in charge took office we have gone into Yemen and raided a building where people who have helped destroy lives were rumored to be. In this action mistakes were made and civilian and military lives were lost. The news reported this & the headline shouted that an 8 year old girl was killed in the action. Yes my first reaction too was of anger & wondering why her? why so young? But the reality is she wasn’t the only one lost. A navy seal team member also died, yet no where is his name or image. Other “numerous” adults were killed but no details released. At first I thought maybe it was out of respect for his family and friends that the didn’t release his information but as the days go on it just feels like he was forgotten. The media is twisting it all to present their angles of benefit. The result is we all learn not to trust them to report facts. We find ALTfacts & the people all get forgotten. Tools in the war. A means to an end.
Which breaks my heart.
Lives lost. Not just when they die but also in this fear fueled chaos. How many ideas are going to be overlooked because we are too scared to dream? We live on edge wondering when, where and what will happen and what we can do to stay safe and keep everything we have and those we love safe.
Truth is the only safety I see is in trusting that there is a higher power and in each other. Learning to lead with love not fear. Abandoning the desire for greed and having it all and seeing that we do already. Especially in america right now. We go to sleep in houses we know will protect us from the elements and can’t imagine bombs blowing them apart. We sleep in soft beds that keep us warm. We turn out lights at the ease of a flip of a switch and if need be we go inside to a clean toilet to take care of any business that arises. We got to bed with full bellies planning the next meal that there is no doubt there will be. We have luxuries that many couldn’t dream of in the past. We do need to protect it but I think we also have to recognize how lucky we are and understand that others wish they were so lucky.
In all honesty, I too want more. I want to protect what I have. I expect it to always be mine. Human nature.
I don’t know how we get to a place of peace. What I do know is that the more anger and jealousy we feel through this judgement and comparing each other, the further away we get from each other.
I know that life is short & never promised. Sometimes actions that we have no effect on have effects on us so we have to savor every moment we can. It is tough to be happy in trying times. As the saying goes for every minute you spend in anger you have wasted 60 seconds of happiness.
So I am choosing gratitude and joy every chance I get. Hoping others do to.
Be the light & know that you are not alone, far from it. Together we move forward to whatever life brings us. <3